Erin MC Hammer's "Learn How To Be You In Time" Click for more images

“Love.  It’s for those who know a good thing when they see it; even if they don’t see it nearly enough.”

This is the last in the “love letter” hexalogy posts!

For those just tuning in, you can read the first part (and I’d recommend you to) here.  If you’re looking for a love letter to kick all love letters… then you should probably take a tip from somewhere else.  Mine well… mine, didn’t exactly have the desired effect.

At this point I had written exactly 3,600 words.  Reluctantly it was time to wrap it up.  There was so very much more I could write.  Frightening isn’t it.  But like you dear reader, I didn’t want him to die of old age before he reached the end.

So after thousands of words that attempted to illustrate why I love the man I affectionately call Scottish, why I loved us… it ends like this…

And then…

We are also very different.  Like landscapes.  One a little tropical, the other more rolling hills and country side.  Both require the same sorts of things: sunshine, rain, clouds, birds and bees, wind, moonlit and starry skies.

We are not the same.  And we are beautiful in our own way.  Lucky for us we have loved sharing in each others’ picturesque scene for as long as we have.

So perhaps it may come to a surprise that given everything I have written, I would give all that you are… all the qualities that you have… up.  I would have no regrets for the time, emotional, mental and physical investment spent with you.  I am at peace, well at least I feel at peace knowing this.

We know there is no lack of love between us.  We will always remain loved by the other.  After all I want you to be happy.  I want me to be happy.  I love you.  I love you very very very much…

I just feel like I am changing/ have changed.  But strangely I feel like I am reverting back to the soul of the girl that you first met, (with a more mature mindset) rather than the girl/ woman I evolved into over the years.

It is a welcome change for me.  I am re falling in love with myself.  I love the clarity of mind I have developed over the last month or so.  I am clearer with what I want and need from my life partner, from life in general.  They are all positive wonderful things.

At one point on our holiday, (on whatever continent we choose) we will talk about what we need and want to see if they match.  I am optimistic but will not presume to know.  [Regretfully? this didn't happen.  Our holiday became a holiday in the truest sense.  And it was wrapped in promise.]

There are things I am more sure of in myself now.  Now I know I am ready to share with you these needs of mine with confidence and without fear of you leaving me.  Because in my heart and mind I have already released you.  I still love you, I have just released you.

I hope you understand what I mean when I say this.  “When you love someone, you set them free.”

With love,

Olivia

Writing those final words, acknowledging that all that we had could be over, was quite… unreal.  Such was the reality.  Finally, I was facing what had become broken.  I no longer needed to toil in love.  That it would be, (eventually) what it would be.  Whatever “that” was to become.

While there was a sense of peace having to change my head’s trajectory in letting Scottish go.  My heart… well my heart was a slower believer.  She is made of different stuff and doesn’t change her mind quite so easily.  Under her serene screen she was going to kick and scream.  And so shrill was her pitch… she shattered herself.

Love, hate or “meh” me let me know by voting!  Thanks for taking the time to read!

Olivia x

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